Excerpt from Blog Post “Part I ‘Ezra Bayda on Happiness’” by Warren Lang – Full Post
My understanding is that Proust was known for his hypersensitivity to pollen allergies, but more importantly, perhaps he is best known for his sensitivities and reflections on the passage of time.
Perhaps Proust could be corrected to say that ‘ Happiness never alights upon the desire that calls for it.” What strikes me about this passage is that his statement is another way of noticing that we are mistaken if we believe we can summon forth the conditions to bring about our happiness.
Ezra Bayda – The Authentic Life
Here is a portion of what Ezra Bayda says about happiness:
One behavior that always increases our suffering is our ‘expectation’ that we be happy; he calls this the ‘happiness problem’ saying the source of much suffering is that “we†firmly†believe†we†should†be†happy.” Then he uses the word ‘entitlement’… that really hit home, I know how quickly I go to anger and discomfort when things are not as I expected them to be… when things are as they are.
Let’s be reminded that whatever arises from moment to moment, whatever we judge to be good or bad, is fodder for realizing the way — as opportunities to see things as they are, and to see how ‘desire’ works in our mind’.
I woke up thinking about the time I sacrificed yesterday to try to implement a tech-based learning tool. I spent a lot of time castigating myself for the hours I worked on the task. After thinking I had ‘wasted’ precious time, I then realized that when I labeled time as ‘wasted’, and connected to the feeling of regret …†this reaction was akin to shooting the second arrow.
Had I been successful in making the time work to my desired outcome, I may have had a different reaction and attitude. But as it was, I felt unhappy, disappointed, exasperated—annoyed with the sense of having burned too much time. With further insight, I remembered Ezra Bayda’s reflection that I, as is conditioned, I have a sense of entitlement to having things ‘go my way’, of having things go as we plan them, or go ‘as we imagine they should go’. This is the unhealthy sense of entitlement to outcomes as we imagine them. This is part of the significance of Warren’s oft repeated phrase “weeds flourish despite our loathing, flowers fall in our grasping.” When weeds flourish despite our loathing, we feel ripped off. We think something is wrong. …. But really… things are as they are.
All of which reminds us that our real happiness can never depend on external conditions…conditions we don’t have any control over.
We’ve repeated this refrain from one of the Mindfulness trainings countless times: “Happiness†does†not†depend†on†external†conditions.” Happiness does not depend on controlling†outer conditions.
Too often, I have a felt sense of entitlement when living life amidst all its stressors and demands and suffering, that I am entitled to happiness now, well, at least after I do all that work, after I do something for you. After I do all this preparation for…preparing for whatever needs to be done. Maybe I expect a pay-back in happiness. … I expect things to be different than they are.